Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I could make wine with my vomit
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
