why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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