Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
