By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
