i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize