I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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