Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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