The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
