I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
