I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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