Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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