Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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