Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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