You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
