so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I could make wine with my vomit
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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