I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
