my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
