he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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