shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
