just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize