his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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