I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
