apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
