I met the friendliest cop last night
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
