eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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