I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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