I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
