i need an iv and a liver transplant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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