the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
