I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
