She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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