just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
