At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
