just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
