For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
