ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
