Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
