Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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