I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
