erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
