So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
