Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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