do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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