I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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