my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
