Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
