My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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