I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
