my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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