He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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