Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
