That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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