no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
