Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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