ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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