The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
