you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
