This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
