I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
