he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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