I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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