We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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