dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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