haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
