from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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