He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
