Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
