Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
