2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
