I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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