Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize