I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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