I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
